Month: October 2018

Didn’t get the job? Fix These Mistakes to Feel Better

Photo by Raj Eiamworakul vs Unsplash

Ever have your spleen with cut out with kindergarten scissors? 

Anyone who’s lost a bid for a dream job may consider the above statement a minimization of how they feel.  Exaggerating aside, we’ve all been there and never want to experience it again.  And, an endless stream of recruiter listicles (ie. The Seven Must-Do’s Before Your Next Interview) do little to prevent the pain. To retain our sanity, let’s disregard them for now.  Instead of gaming the decisions of fickle hiring managers let’s focus on what we can control – our own thoughts, feelings, and actions.  

The following are common mistakes we make during and between interviews, and after the process ends.  Avoiding them will not guarantee us the job. Then again, that may not be what we want anyways.  Read on to learn why.

Mistakes DURING the Interview Process:

Missing Negative Signs

For a hiring manager, the purpose of an interview is to measure our worthiness for the job. It’s a problem when we, the candidate, rely on the interview for the same thing.  When we only seek validation, we often fail to catch negative signals because too afraid to see them.  Did the interviewer give us positive verbal and nonverbal cues?  Did he proceed with a head-down, list-following approach or did he show real interest?  Managers hire people they trust. Often this equates to someone they know.  They tend to bypass formality for candidates they really like and follow procedure for interviewees who are placeholders (additional candidates used to make the interview process appear legitimate when a target candidate has already been selected).  Sadly, any of us can fulfill the placeholder role at any time in the interview process. 

Mistaking Friendliness for Approval

Surprise! We may not be the only person in the room looking to be liked.  That’s right, hiring managers want validation as well. And, there’s no easier way to win someone’s favor than praise. Some interviewers are looking simply to get through the process unscathed.  Making everyone feel like a viable candidate may be their way to accomplish this.  Isn’t the ego are marvelous thing?  Outwardly, it may be difficult to distinguish between an interviewer’s false approval and real interest in our candidacy. Enthusiastic praise in an interview should trigger our focus to sharpen. At this point, we should ask the interviewer for specifics on how our the skills they just complimented apply to the job itself. Any vagueness or hedging in the interviewer’s answer should hint that their praise is hollow. 

Mistakes Made In-Between Interviews:

The Neverending De-brief

Did they like my answers? Did make sense to tell that joke?  Was it a positive sign when the interviewer said _________?   MAKE IT STOP!  In-between interviews, we often analyze our situation into oblivion.    In truth, we know we had one or more interviews in the past and little more. What they really thought of us and our answers is likely to remain a mystery – even if we get the job. Instead, we need focus on what we learned about the job and our prospective manager and how both stand to change our life moving forward.

Choosing Fairy Tales over Nightmares

Wouldn’t it be great to be the chosen candidate and live happily ever after?  Too often, we lose ourselves in this fairy tale and, in doing so, fail to consider the prospective job’s potential to suck. It’s the job search equivalent of love at first sight.  Don’t know the benefits?  No worry, they’re probably good!  And, surely the manager will always be as friendly as she was in the interview! How easily we chose to create the architecture of our careers in crayon.  In an alternate reality, aka the REAL one, we can chose to look at the downside of a potential job MORE than the upside. Until we have a formal offer, the default answer to our candidacy is always NO.  Accepting this reality frees us to make an objective comparison between the shiny and new possible job and our horrible, boring, current one.  Making friends with the nightmare of not getting the offer is always the better path.

Mistakes Made Post “Dream Job” Loss:

Never Deciding Whether or Not We Truly Wanted the Job

This is the post-mortem result of fairy tale fantasizing.  If we never decide whether or not we want a job, we risk forever mourning it’s possibilities.  In reality, the position may have made us miserable.  Denying this is futile. We know, without question, winning the lottery brings life-changing riches, yet we don’t beat ourselves up over losing.  Why should we persecute ourselves over jobs we never have wanted?  There’s no universal law that dictates that we must win every job offer, good and bad.  Having the courage to formulate an opinion ahead of getting an offer releases us from the grip of hubris.

Neglecting to Find Closure

Recruiter wisdom often lacks the sensitivity we require after not winning the perfect job. Typically they recommend thanking every one under the sun and casually annoying them over time to “stay on their radar”.  If we’ve already decided we don’t want the job, why bother?  Isn’t our time better spent on the lost jobs we really do want?  In the rare cases when the job fit and opportunity are superb, staying in contact with the employer and fighting to work for them is the right course.  Suffice to say, if we don’t want the job now that we’ve lost it, and had some time to reflect, it probably wasn’t right for us in the first place.

One last thing, believe it or not, it can be extremely helpful to find out who actually won the job.  Often the answer is only a quick LinkedIn search or grape-vine conversation away.  Doing so can open a window into the hiring manager’s decision process.  Sometimes the “other candidate” is truly more qualified.  Other times, you can breathe a sigh of relief.  You just avoided working for a manager not competent enough to recognize how wonderful you are!

Sincerely,
Meaning2work.com

For More Advice on how to prepare for job interviews, check out my earlier post “5 Reasons to Colossally Fail at Your Next Interview“

Here are a some other post-Interview/post-mortum questions to ask yourself.  Can you think of more?  Feel free to comment:

  • Would I have gotten along with the boss? 
  • Was the interviewer in a hurry? Did she really seem to care about answering my questions?
  • What did I find out about the previous person in the role?
  •  Did I fact-check the story I was told?
  • Was the salary and benefits truly better than what I make now?

Stress and Work: Healthy Now vs. Happy Later

Photo by The Creative Exchange via Unsplash

Isn’t it easy to regret our expanding waistlines, expensive bar tabs, and ever-growing credit card statements?  Easier still is to blame these problems on work-related stress.  After all, overeating, excessive drinking, and uncontrolled spending do help us cope in the short term.  

Fortunately, more and more of us are growing up and learning to deal with anxiety in ever-productive ways. Nowadays, to release the pressure, we may stop at the gym or yoga studio after work.  Some of us may boldly sacrifice carbs in the name of clarity.  Others relish a long talk with a friend. And, if we’re lucky, our employers may even support these positive changes with wellness programs.


The result?  We’re happier and healthier. For now. 

If the act of coping solved problems this story would be over.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t.  We can improve ourselves in many ways and treat what immediately ails us.  But, at what price?  Are we truly fixing our problems or just delaying them? Let’s review both the benefits and drawbacks of some our most popular stress-busters.

The Benefits:

Exercise and Diet

Look no further for reasons why so many of seek better physical health. The improvements in mood, mental health, intellect, energy level, and life expectancy gained are well-documented. Additionally, both activities allows us to meet and connect with friends in new ways. 

Meditation, Yoga, and Mindfulness

These practices provide a serene, comforting environment in which to reflect or escape. Either way, one can emerge from a session with a greater clarity and perspective on life’s struggles. Some participants even claim to experience major life changes, others are just happy for the break from the maelstrom of life.

Support from family, friends, and co-workers

Most of us have at least one family member or friend who truly wants us to be happy.  Sometimes, they can relate to the angst that grinds us.  Other times, they can listen and smile.  For the some, this connection can literally make the difference between life and death.  It’s hard to argue against the benefits of both having and being a close friend.  Ideally, these people accept us unconditionally – not something we can ever expect from an employer.

The Drawbacks:

Meditation, Yoga,  and Mindfulness

While potentially effective, fans of these practices must make sacrifices.  Classes take time and effort to attend and they are not cheap.  One can spend $100, $500, or more per month.  Those of us with the resources may consider this money well spent.  For others, partaking in these activities means diverting resources from other parts of life – including family.

Exercise and Diet

It’s difficult to debate positive feedback loop of feeling better.  A wise man once said, “One thing that you can say about life is that it beats the alternative!”  Consider, however, are we treating the causes of stress or only the symptoms?  Running, one of the least expensive workouts, still requires requires the right clothing and time investment.  Hate running?  The cost of gym memberships can be as high as we’d like to spend.  Diets?  Programs like Weight Watchers also come at a price.  Even dieter’s going solo still face cost barriers. Compare the price of a trip to Whole Foods to the Arby’s carry out.  Unless one lives on a farm, cheap translates to unhealthy when it comes to food.

Support from family, friends, and co-workers

Despite the closeness of our bonds, the best of intentions don’t always create the best advice. Our friends may tell us what we want to hear in order to preserve the relationship.  No matter whether they employ a traditional or tough-loving approach, family members may do us more harm than good when they can’t understand or empathize with our suffering.  And, even further disabling, the overuse of this support channel can render us unable to solve our own problems.

The Two Part Stress Solution: Employers

In short, companies need to prioritize employees over investors. Management’s insatiable desire to impress forges dangerous expectations.  Costs must always go down and top-line sales must always go up. Like pennies dropped from a skyscraper, small, easy decisions made at the top, rain onto ground level workers like boulders.  In this way, the need for coping mechanisms, positive and negative, are created.  Companies might not need wellness programs if their employees were “well” in the first place.

The overly aggressive marking up of sales forecasts causes sandbagging (overly conservative downgrading of forecasts by salespeople) and vice versa.  Leaders can end this cycle by telling investors the truth and not what they want to hear. Why risk the health and livelihood of one’s own employees in order to maximize someone else’s return on investment?

The Two Part Stress Solution: Employees

If one needs to become a marathon runner or yoga expert simply to re-charge for one’s career, a change may be in order.  As employees, we need to be aware of the choices we make.  Our job. Our lifestyle.  Our career. We may not like them, but we still choose them.  

And stress? However violently we force it from our minds, we still tend to leave a door open.   No can force us to expect perfection.  Instead, we are to blame. We chase it like an addict chases their first high, alluring but never attainable.  Our best option is to make peace with our mediocre selves and enjoy the process of getting better.


Sincerely,

Meaning2work.com

Fear of Failure: A Little Embarrassment Can Go a Long Way!

Fear Illustration

Driving a car. Speaking in public. Selling to customers. What do they all have in common?  Other than things we typically fear,  they’re all milestones I hit before ever learning how to swim.


When did I finally learn? In college. Yes, I just admitted that and no, I don’t blame my parents. At every opportunity, I fought the chance to learn.  As a kid, I would scream and wail until whoever was trying to teach me eventually gave up. 

It made sense. I already needed to take an elective course.  Why not Swimming?  So, there I stood before class, one piece of clothing away from being naked, shivering at the side of the pool.  My classmates?  Mostly football players and cheerleaders.  Clearly, so I thought, I was the only person there to learn something!  Was I scared?  Yes, but the risk of looking like a fool made me forget about 12-foot deep water.


That’s when I said “F-You fear!”, jumped in, and became a graceful swan gliding down the lanes!   Just kidding.  Over the next several weeks, I would flail and convulse my way from one end to the other.  Did I feel fear?  Yes, but I kept on going. And yes, it got easier over time.


Ultimately, I learned more than how not to drown.  Here are my three valuable lessons about fear:

  1. Fear is always looking for a good chase.  I was amazed that, when I stopped fighting my body’s natural tendency to sink, the impossible happened – I floated!  If fear was a person, it would be a bully beckoning us for a fight.  What does a bully hate the most?  Being ignored.  
  2. Fear is familiar and easy.  It’s easier to not jump into the deep end, go on the job interview, or ask for the sale.  We feel the apprehension and naturally avoid the risk.  It’s easy to forget that we don’t always need to do what our bullies tells us.  Sometimes, the greatest risk is never taking one.
  3. We don’t want fear to completely go away.  Bravery, is inviting it into our lives for a cup of coffee on a regular basis.  Without fear, we’d walk off a cliff or get hit by a train.  Fear caused me to take the swimming course instead of jumping off the high dive straight away.  For that, I am thankful!

How do we put this into action?  Challenge fear by first, allowing yourself to feel and understand it. Then defy it with every fiber of your being.  Rinse and repeat. 
Finally, don’t forget to re-visit the situations that scare you.  

Fear not only keeps us alive, it helps us feel alive.


Sincerely,
Meaning2work


Ps:  Check out the following blog post from Srinivas Rao.  It served as the inspiration for this post and, I suspect, others to come:https://medium.com/the-mission/everything-you-fight-has-power-over-you-everything-you-accept-doesnt-9c380d391acb?source=linkShare-b49167681b97-1539890903

Motivation Found: 5 Books That Prove You’re Right

“You must change!”  It’s the general message we get repeatedly from books designed to give us motivation.  And, no, they’re not always wrong.  We usually can improve.  Sometimes, however, isn’t it nice to be reminded that we’re not half-bad to begin with?  That we’re not broken?  In no particular order, here are five books that will help you swim against the current of yes-people in your life and the disabling bosses they follow. Click the Amazon banner beneath each title to view each book on Amazon.

How To Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Upset About Anything

Albert Ellis


Dr. Ellis, founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT),  will have you looking at yourself and your problems in a completely different way.  This is no overstatement.  Following his model can drastically reduce the sadness, anxiety, and anger we feel.  Why?  A good deal of what makes us upset is due to the irrational beliefs we hold.  Take away the beliefs and the negative emotions begin to melt away.  This book doesn’t make the reader right and the world wrong.  Instead, it removes our irrational need to be right at all costs.

Leaders Eat Last:  Why Some Teams Fail and Others Don’t

Simon Sinek


It’s nice when people have the courage to voice their opinion – especially when it’s in sharp contrast to traditional thinking.  Most of us have been taught our whole lives to respect authority.  In doing so, however, we sometimes needlessly take on fear and self-doubt.  Mr. Sinek is here to tell you that strong leaders work for their employees and happy employees work for each other.  Using compelling examples from the US Military, he tells stories, not of tyrannical toughness, but of bravery and self-sacrifice.  Anyone who endures a work environment of fear and survival of the fittest, should read this book.

Minimalism:  Live a Meaningful Life

Joshua Fields Milburn and Ryan Nicodemus


The authors of this down-to-earth book are two former, successful, Telcom execs who abandoned their corporate careers.  In doing so, they left lives of stress, poor health, and unhappiness to pursue careers in the motivation of others.  This book inspires the reader to emulate the authors’ healthy outlook on life without selling the traditional “get rich like me” happy ending we often see in career-change stories.  Anyone who is tired of comparing themselves (or being compared) to others in terms of monetary success and lifestyle can benefit from reading this book. This book has a corresponding Netflix documentary by the name of Minimalism.

The Obstacle is the Way:  The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph


Ryan Holiday


Sometimes, the person we have to prove wrong is ourselves. This is not your typical mindless pep-talk book.  Mr. Holiday uses example from history of people who persevered through seemingly impossible situations.  This book will introduces the reader to the ancient philosophy of Stoicism which helps us determine what’s in our power to control and disregard that which isn’t.  Approaching an old challenge with renewed energy or abandoning unproductive goals for new ones are just a few of the motivation that this  book delivers.

Thinking Fast and Slow

Daniel Kahneman


This Sociology book is very readable and has some very important real-world implications.  Most impactful is how Dr. Kahneman explains the large variety of cognitive biases that cause us to make erroneous or sometimes irrational conclusions.  Unlike the books discussed above, that mostly empower the reader internally, this is one provides motivation to prove someone wrong.  It teaches us to respect the complexity and randomness of the real world and understand the patterns we see are often merely convenient illusions.   As a result, one begins to see how the judgements and expectations placed on us in the past may never have been realistic in the first place.

Sincerely,


Meaning2work


Ps.  Please click on the images below the books titles to find these books on Amazon. I’d love to hear your thoughts on any of them.  Also, if this article is valuable to you, be valuable to someone else and pass it on to a friend!

Jealous Salespeople: Don’t be a Duck

Jealousy in Sales

“We hate it when our friends become successful.” – Morrissey

DUCK is a handy acronym meaning Designated Underachieving Coworker. It’s a work friend we keep around up until the point they start performing at a higher level than ourselves.  Are we jealous of our Duck?  Not as long as they know their place!

Does anyone set out to find a Duck? Of course not, we make friends with people who we perceive to be similar to us. And therein lies the problem. When our friends “make it big”, they can become, in our minds, dissimilar.

Our first jealous reaction:

They must be lucky. Interestingly, our need to prove this fact, especially when it’s true, make us less, not more happy. Imagine having to prove you didn’t commit a crime. The relief at proving your innocence would likely be tainted by the thought of someone accusing you of such a thing. In the same way, coming up with convincing reasons that our co-workers success was as a result of luck only serves to give us a tenous satisfaction.

Our second jealous reaction:

Find out what they’re secret is. Are they playing by the rules? In sales, many people don’t. Do they have some new insight that we don’t have? If so, what is it? Do they know? If so, will they tell us?

Life was easier when our Duck knew it’s place on the pond. Now that our friend has taken flight we have no choice but to shoot them down.

To make matters worse, management often relishes a good fight. There’s nothing subtle about published ranking lists that force one person’s success to be another person’s failure. After all, competition within a team always brings out the best possible performance. While this may be true, at times, what is the long term cost?

If this was a simple fable about the pitfalls of jealousy, we’d have this problem solved. Don’t be jealous. Life is, of course, more complex than this. Sometimes, in sales, people are lucky. Sometimes they bend the rules or cheat the system. And yes, sometimes salespeople develop skills or find legitmate customer insights that give them a competitive edge.

At this point, it’s important to ask, what ultimately makes us happier? Instead of debating the luck vs. ethics vs. skill of our colleagues, why not accept a completely different truth. Our coworker’s success or failure has nothing to do with us. We weren’t better than them when they were our Duck and they’re not better than us now that the roles have reversed. Therefore, we have no need to feel jealous. There is one exception. In the process of being a supportive friend, we sometimes aid in a colleague’s success. In these cases, we should consider feeling proud of their success.

In reality, our jealous feelings aren’t really about our coworkers. They’re about us. If we stop judging ourselves, we won’t feel the need to use others as yardsticks. Heck, we might even become a better friend in the process.

Sincerely,

Meaning2work