Aside from Electricity, bifocals, the pros and cons list, and numerous other discoveries, there’s one idea Benjamin Franklin is credited for which you may not be aware. It affects you on a daily basis and has to do with your pride. Consider the following story.
According to his autobiograhpy, Ben Franklin once deliberately asked to borrow a valuable book from one of his political opponents. The rival obliged and, thereafter, treated Ben with a greater level of generosity and respect. In fact, they later became friends. This human desire for consistency was later labeled the “Ben Franklin Effect” and, most recently, was classified by psychologists as Cognitive Dissonance.
I’m the type of person who would…
Cognitive Dissonance is the tension we feel when we act in a way contrary to our past. Ben knew if he could get his opponent to do him one favor, he’d be more likely to continue doing them. For example, the moment you order steak at the seafood restaurant, you’ve just increased the liklihood you do the same on you next visit.
Ironically, Ben used Cognitive Dissonance to change someone’s behavior when, by definition, it’s more often used as a reason NOT to change. In my sales career, resisting change has been mostly detrimental. Early on, I was the type of guy not to ask for the sale. Therefore, I lost business. Later, I was the type of guy not to speak up at a meeting. Therefore, I remained unhappy and disengaged with my job for long periods of time. Whoever we are, we usually want to stay that way.
The Ben Franklin Effect = Cognitive Dissonance = Pride
I believe the issue truly at hand is pride and what puzzles me is the following paradox: pride in a possession entails care and periodic improvement. When we take pride in our house we tend to the lawn and replace things like shingles and gutters. Pride in ourselves, however, largely means being unwavering and resistant to change. A proud person holds fast to core beliefs knowing themselves and the truth.
Why the dichotomy in our definitions of pride? I attribute it to fear of being alone. In a literal sense, anyone who doesn’t know themself is forced to uncomfortably spend their every waking minute with a stranger. Therefore, we feel we must act in ways WE can predict. Besides, the alternative is a very traumatizing condition known as Amnesia. In comparison, we can easily see in our possessions (and our relatives and friends) the constant need for improvement.
Can I take pride in who I want to be?
Still, can’t we pride ourselves, not by the past, but by what we want to be in the future? Perhaps, like the car enthusiast toiling for hours on a heap of metal, envision what we plan to be and take pride in that.
Our biggest obstacle is how we understand and use power. A landscaper has the ability to dig, trim, and plant with their own hands. She can therefore make what she envisions come into reality. Many of our dreams involve money or accolades coming from others. And, try as we may, we don’t control others, we can only influence and observe. As we wait for the compliments, Facebook likes, and glowing performance reports to come in, we relinquish the power to cultivate and shape ourselves.
Is change mandatory?
Yes (gasp), at least in a scientific sense. Our bodies replace most of their cells over a period of seven years. Therefore, it would be impossible for us to physically stay the same, even if we wanted to!
One could argue that, in a mental sense, change is mandatory as well. After all, the people and situations around us are in constant flux. Some degree of change is mandatory just to adjust. That said, the way we change needn’t be dictated by someone else. We can certainly act as our own catlyst.
Again, that darn pride issue pops up! We look down on people who change to please others and, at the same time, yearn for people to like us for who we are! Pride without the willingness to change is essentially a lie. It’s like someone proudly showing you their rusting car, citing how sexy it was when they drove it off the lot. Who we are is fluid. We don’t have to live in the past.
Who’s in charge here?
To those of us, myself included, who desire too much to be perfect, the very suggestion of change can be an insult. Who are they to tell us how to change? You know you’re defensive when you can’t even question yourself! This is when we have to give up and resolve to no longer defend who we were in the past and instead plan what actions we can take in the future.
Of course, not all advice is good and much of it, however well-intentioned, should NOT be followed. Still, we shouldn’t dismiss criticism based solely on the source. That would again give up our own power to choose. Rest assured, when we think for ourselves, the choice to take advice is never weak. It’s probably the only way we can excercise true pride – the kind that improves who we are and doesn’t cling to the past.
Sincerely,