Wait, I’m sorry, I meant your sales job is needed!
You, of course, make a difference every day. It’s others whose jobs aren’t necessary.
For example, do I need to be greeted at Walmart? I admit, whenever one of their pleasant, blue-vested employees accosts me, I feel special. Still, did I need that shot of goodwill? Not sure.
Here’s another job to consider. Some NFL teams now have a coach-like dude follow their head coach around during the game and gently restrain him from walking onto the field? In action, these men look like they’re giving the coaches a quick hug from behind. Presumably, this human restraint system prevents penalties. The Rams head coach has one. Probably others too.
In both cases, someone somewhere decided it was worth paying a person to do these things. And then, light years away, there’s you – fighting competitors and customers to earn your right to stay employed. Where’s the fairness?
Still, as much as we salespeople complain about impossible sales goals, they’re more comforting than one more serious alternative – not being needed. That’s the nuclear option that we hope management never uses.
What if they no longer need my territory, sales team, or product line? And if we go down the rabbit hole even further: What if my experience is obsolete? What if my industry is going down the tubes?
Heck, all of these adverse outcomes CAN happen. To a company’s balance sheet, every one of us is a liability. We’re all an investment in the future. And not unlike a stock, the price someone’s willing for us is a statement about our value in the future. If our company no longer sees value in our future, they no longer see value in us.
So, what if your future no longer looks bright?
All too often, we respond by fighting, not just for sales but for legitimacy. If we can’t find enough qualified leads, we stuff more into our funnel. When the boss is in town, we take them only to see our best, most eager customers. All to prove we are indispensable! Nevertheless, when our job’s no longer viable, we’re still let go.
Here’s what you should do instead. Don’t cover up or avoid reality. If you do, you’ll at best end up keeping a job that leaves you frustrated and bored. Eventually, the truth comes out. Do you want to be the sales rep with a promising territory who didn’t deliver or the hardworking rep who’s territory just wasn’t viable.
There may be less glamor in the second choice, but it’s the right one. Your value is not in the potential of your product or territory. It’s in you. Your experience. Your skills.
And guess what? These are the things that follow you wherever you go.
No really, I mean it! Think of musicians, craftsmen, and athletes. They all benefit from muscle memory. As a result, they perform complex feats of skill without much thought and their hands just seem to know what to do. Dan Coyle, author of The Talent Code would say their secret is deliberate practice.
But that’s not a surprise, is it? What might be is that you, as an experienced salesperson, you have an equivalent to muscle memory for your job. Experts call it procedural memory and it enables you to work without getting bogged down by details. It’s like an autopilot that lets you focus on the customer instead of yourself.
Sound cool? It is and YOU have it! However, there is a drawback to allowing your brain’s Tesla to take control every day.
While You Kick Butt, Ageism Creeps Up
Over time, we layer new skills on top of previous ones and easily lose sight of where we started. It’s as if your skills become heirlooms, boxed and placed neatly in your mind’s attic. And if we can forget about them, you better believe your managers, present and future, can as well.
As a result, we rarely take notice when our company hires someone with half our experience to the same job we have. Instead our first clue doesn’t come until the resume we post for an ideally-matched position gets no response. No one pulls us aside to announce ageism’s arrival, it just happens.
Skeptical? According to a recent government report, six out of ten American workers reported experiencing ageism in some form. Now consider that, according to best-selling author Daniel Pink, one in nine people in the US workforce are in sales!. Yep, ageism is out there and it’s already affecting you!
That’s Ok. Who Can Question Results Like Yours?
In response to ageism, we think our experience and our numbers will protect us. Companies are dying to have someone like you – until they’re not. Your performance can make you feel rock-solid but, in the eyes of others, you may be inflexible and unable to change. And, you may make too much money, Oh yeah and, at your age, shouldn’t you be a manager?
But what about that procedural memory thing I just mentioned? Can’t managers see how good you are at all that stuff you do automatically? Some managers are sharp enough to recognize and value these skills, many are not. And be honest, are YOU even aware of all the little things you do to be successful?
Before you complain about unfairness, start appreciating yourself.
According the Harvard Business Review, too many older workers believe ageist assumptions about themselves. Therefore, in addition to the unfair assumptions others make, we often put some on ourselves.
So what’s the answer? You know how before you can sell a product you must first BE SOLD on it yourself? Part of that process, I’m sure you’d agree, is assessing the competition. The same holds true for YOU.
The following questions are meant for YOU to ask YOURSELF as a way to size up who you’re competing with in the job market. You might just be STRONGER than you think!
In the process of doing your sales job…
Do you confuse questions with objections?
When a customer cancels a deal do you give up on them for good?
Are you scared by an angry customer?
Are you unable to put your phone down in customer meetings?
If a sale takes longer to close than expected, do you automatically assume it’s a lost cause?
If a customer changes their timetable or requirements, do you get flustered and give up?
Do you refuse to ask for the help of coworkers or friends?
Do you not have any contacts or friends from whom to ask help?
Does a lackluster sales report make you conclude you NEVER will be successful?
Are you afraid to ask for a firm commitment from your customers?
Like it or not, many of your younger counterparts struggle with these very issues. And yes, you and I are losing jobs to them!
Hopefully by now you see that you bring tremendous value. Perhaps somewhere there’s a 20-something who was born will all the skills of selling. I doubt it. By now, you’ve made hundreds, even thousands, of sales calls. How could you NOT be good?
Unfortunately, there will always be people who don’t appreciate what you offer. One thing’s for sure. You don’t have to be one of them!
For experienced salespeople, bad days can be both excruciating and inevitable. The next time you want to give up, try these five steps.
Photo by Joline Torres via Unsplash.com
Nobody wants this:
You pull on the interstate only to slow to a stop. A river of brake lights stretches for miles ahead of you. There goes your first sales call! Why didn’t you leave earlier? Right then, your phone chirps with a text from the Boss. The quarterly sales rankings are in and you’re..NO WHERE NEAR THE TOP?
Clearly you misunderstood that. Keeping your eyes on the road, you fumble in your bag for your iPad which is…NOT IN YOUR BAG? You must’ve left it charging on your nightstand! WHAT’S NEXT? As if on cue, your son texts. He wants to quit school.
Before you can respond, your phone rings. It’s the school principal who gives you the slightest tap. TAP? You look up as the driver ahead you twists to see what kind of an idiot you are. Yep, you kissed his bumper. MAKE IT STOP!!!
We All Have A Bad Day Behind Us…
I know I have. I’d wager all salespeople have. And, the longer you’ve done the job the more days from Hell you’ve probably endured.
Ok, we’ve all have bad days, the question is what to do? Admit it, on those days, the easiest thing to do is to give up, call a friend, and vent. And why not share a little misery? It works – for a few minutes anyway, then you get back to scolding yourself.
And that’s too bad, given the gut punch a horrible day can deliver, is only a few minutes of joy enough?
And A Bad Day In Our Future. Are You Ready?
What will you do when your next bad day strikes? Call whomever you want, but if you REALLY want to turn things around, do the following:
Assess The Damage. Get beyond the surprise and ask yourself what you need to do in that moment and act on it. Fortunately, most bad days don’t require a visit from EMS. Still, an appointment may need to be cancelled or a boss called. Do so and you’ll buy the time you need for the next step.
Reprioritize and Reassign. “Don’t tell me about your goals. Tell me about your plan,” says Jeffrey Haden, author of The Motivation Myth. As it stands, your day’s original plan is meaningless. What you do with the time left is everything. Re-start the day from the beginning, jump in somewhere in the middle, or plan something new. It’s your call.
Get to It! Don’t mourn what happened. Instead, take your new priorities and GO! According to best-selling business author, Ryan Holiday, some of history’s greatest achievements came from people who chose to head toward, not away, from their biggest obstacles. You’re likely to find more courage and skill than you ever realized!
When the Day’s Over, Pause and Reflect. Don’t just pull in the drive, get the mail, and collapse onto the couch. Think for a few minutes of how your day started and how it finished. YOU pulled off quite a turnaround! Celebrate today’s victory so you’ll remember it when you face your next disaster. You might even find they become less frequent!
Of course it’s not enough just to read my advice. You must understand and DO it! All of us have a bad day coming. The question is, HOW WILL YOU RESPOND?
P.S. If you found this or any of my other advice helpful, leave me a comment and subscribe to my email list! Whatever you do, tell only the colleagues you like. You don’t want to help a competitor! 😃 Seriously, I write articles like this to be helpful – you know, in the REAL WORLD! Any feedback you provide is a much-appreciated gift!
Woof! The sound jolted me out of my commuter trance.
There, in the driveway, a familiar Goldendoodle galloped in circles. Seamus! He seemed willing to do anything to get his chief neck-scratcher out of the car. This common occurrence, on one particular day, made me think. Are he and I all that different? Yes, I do business in from my car and at customer offices and Seamus does his business (apparently today) in the front yard. Still, isn’t the need for comfort and companionship at the heart of everything both he and I do?
People vs. Dogs? No Contest.
OK, I’ll give you that humans are much more complex and harder to please. We require money, recognition, challenge, and and a nice benefits package for motivation. And no two of us are the same. Thankfully we have many careers to choose from!
In some jobs, if we follow several precise and, at times, complex steps and our job is guaranteed to be done (ie. Assembly line work). In other jobs, like sales, we’re given recommended steps, often called sales models, but paid only when another person takes action. Ether scenario requires advanced learning and decision-making. Score one for humans over dogs!
Still, in sales, no technique works all time and therefore success is never guaranteed. This leads us to try a variety of tactics in order to find what wins the sale. Seamus does this too when he sees a treat in my hand and he performs all of his tricks to see what works. Score one for Seamus!
Clearly, We Have the Edge!
Alas, as smart as he is, the poor Seamus would never know the difference if between a ‘commission’ of 1 treat or a bag of 20. Nope. He’d run through the same routine of sitting, giving paw, and barking, regardless of what’s at stake. You, of course, would know better.
We know the difference between commissions of $500, $5,000, or $50,000 and can act accordingly. The higher the commission, the more we’re willing to do. And it makes sense doesn’t it? In order to GET more we should expect to DO more!
Like I said, it makes sense – sometimes a little too much sense.
Crazy commissions can induce, big surprise, crazy behavior. When a single check can pay off a car (even a mortgage) or send our baby to college, let the salivation begin! Suddenly, naughty urges to stretch the truth or withhold key information, dance in the heads of rational people. Luckily most of us resist these temptations. Most of us.
For me it was over 20 years ago, in college, when I first learned how far a salesperson might go. I sold computers for Sears in Akron, Ohio and remember a blond haired guy in his 20s, with glasses and an ill-fitting suit, who immediately after hire, crushed our sales targets. Instantly, his encyclopedic knowledge and quick wit turned the rest of us into amateurs! Two weeks later, he was fired.
Apparently our meager commissions were enough incentive for him to lie to customers. If he’d do that for an extra $50 or $100 per sale, what would a bigger reward inspire? Times, sadly, haven’t changed much. Some salespeople still behave badly. The recent Wells Fargo scandal is a prime example.
Those horrible, unethical salespeople! Why do they keep reappearing? They all need to be fired and replaced! WAIT. Don’t we already do that? Haven’t we been firing them for years? Either sales is just an evil job that attracts bad bad people or maybe..just maybe..there’s a problem with the system.
Bad Policies = Bad Behavior
To the non-sales world, salespeople are all after one thing: commissions. All we care about is our cars (mine’s falling apart) and our fancy suits (I don’t even wear one). While none of us turn down the extra checks, there’s something we find even more important: survival.
For some reps it’s a daily dilemma, do what’s right and risk not selling enough or bend the rules and either win big money or the right to keep you job. And, just to raise the likelihood of ulcers, what about salespeople who work in highly competitive environments? (Aka all of them). What if you find out your ‘superior’ teammate secretly over-charges customers? Should you do the same? After all you’ve got a family to support and how could you let them down?
“Hold on, you can’t do that,” says the voice of reason, “you’ll get fired!” But you better sell enough, otherwise…you’ll get fired?
MAN, I AM SO JEALOUS OF MY DOG!
What We Can Do Differently
Humbly, I propose four ideas to help companies out of this dilemma:
Pay higher and more competitive base salaries with less commission. That way salespeople focus on the enjoyment of selling, not life changing, ethics-altering rewards.
Stop comparing and start sharing. You want your salesforce unite and defeat a common foe like in Lord of The Rings – not killing each other on a deserted island like in Lord of the Flies. Reps frequently equate their peer’s high performance with cheating. Less comparison takes away the temptation to bend rules for survival.
Establish ethical rules for the the sales force, make them clear, and enforce them equally. No one will accuse top performers of anything but excellence, when they trust the rules apply equally to all.
Use sales targets, not do or die quotas. People will follow rules when they don’t have to scan the horizon for threats. They’ll also feel valued and work harder as a result.
In short, Seamus and I both like nice rewards. There’s only so much, however, Seamus is willing to do to get them. I like to think I’m the same and, given the right system, the rest of us human salespeople can be as well.
You love your customers. They love you, your product, and your company. Life is grand!
Only one thing can happen when life is this perfect: certain disaster!
Your company is about to enact a change, one that may just chase away your rainbows and unicorns. What the the bad news is, for purposes of discussion, is irrelevant. It’s the impact that most important.
Imagine your about to walk into your customer’s office for the first time to explain the situation. What’s going through your mind?
Try these on for size: Man, I hope she doesn’t get upset! What if he asks a question I can’t answer? Will she threaten to go to another vendor? Will he kick me out of his office? What if? What if?? What if???
Ok, let’s think. No one likes an unpleasant surprise but, is that what THIS is? If you were in the customer’s shoes how would YOU feel? Why is the change taking place? How do YOU feel about it?
Consider these six steps to giving bad news:
Accept and understand the change for yourself.
The first step to effective bad news delivery is acceptance. Notice I didn’t say anything about being positive, that comes later. Instead, it’s crucial to first understand the change itself and why it’’s taking place.
There could be, and often is, a rational reason your company made the decision. That reason may involve survival. Your vendors not only rely not only on your product but on your company’s ongoing support. And, of course, you need a paycheck. Therefore, you both need your product to succeed!
Determine the ramifications of the change.
Once you understand what’s really happening, consider carefully the change’s possible effects on your customer. Yes, management may say they’ve done this but you have a deeper understanding of your client.
The point of this step is not to find answers but to mentally prepare yourself. When you’ve thought through the consequences of the change, you’re in a better position to provide valuable insight to your customer. This makes that first conversation more productive (and less dangerous!)
After a sober review of the ramifications, you may feel more calm about the change. That’s good. Now it’s time to put things in perspective. Is the news you’re about to deliver global in it’s reach? Or, more likely, is only a portion of a customer’s business is affected.
Next, prepare to make the same point to the customer. Otherwise, they may just apply your “bad” news to everything – you, your product, and your company as a whole. People hate to change the way they work. It’s uncomfortable to say the least. The smaller the change, the easier it is to swallow.
Put it together and prepare.
Once you’ve digested the change, thought through possible effects, and put it into perspective, its time to plan what to say. I’m not a fan of robotic memorized speeches. They take me out of the conversation and make me feel like I’m in a middle school play – the kind where I dress up as a girl.
Instead, just write down the pertinent points you want to make based on the above steps. Keep in mind that you might not have or get to say all of them. Your customer may think your news is a non-event. On the other hand, what you have may still not be enough. More on this later.
It’s talk time!
Depending on the situation, you may feel the urge to kneel at your customer’s feet and beg forgiveness. Don’t. Conversely, you may think you need to “sell” them on how your bad news is really the best thing they’ve ever heard. Also, don’t. Just calmly, confidently, and succinctly explain the change itself, why it’s taking place, and it’s scope. Then make sure they’ve understood what you’ve told them.
Realize every thing we say, in addition to facts, also delivers emotion. Therefore, how we feel about the change will inevitably come out in how we present it. That’s why the previous steps are so important. Our emotions are cues for customers emotions. If you FEEL calm and confident when you present, you invite your customer to feel the same way. Conversely, if you lose your cool, you can expect them to do the same.
Lastly, ask for feedback and wait.
There’s no rules for this part. It’s the customer’s turn to process the change and respond. Sadistically, I think it’s the fun part. Whatever the customer says next will not physically harm you in any way. Stick and stones, remember?
It’s like strapping into a roller coaster, we’re scared out of our wits, yet we know it’s going to be ok. This is the attitude you must take. As your customer shares their thoughts (or gives you a piece of their mind) listen closely. Don’t jump to conclusions. Make sure YOU understand exactly what their saying.
Maybe they misunderstood and you can easily correct them. Maybe they bring up issues you’ve never considered. If you have legitimate answers, by all means, give them. If you don’t, just sit and listen. You may not be able to make the customer feel better right then and there. Just don’t forget to ask to for a chance to follow up.
When things go bad.
Let’s be honest. Despite your best efforts, you may walk away from the meeting with your pride bruised. Your delicate preparation shattered, you may be tempted to call it all a waste. Give the situation time. Sometimes, customers need the time and distance to process changes. At your next meeting, you may find them in better spirits. Suddenly what was a catastrophe is now a speed bump, a non-issue.
When issues do linger, don’t shy away from passing your customer’s concerns up the chain of command. A little internal advocating can go a long way. At this point, you’re ready to repeat the process and go back in! Do your best to go back in with something new, even if it’s just a new way of thinking about the change. You never know what’s approach is going to resonate with a customer until it already has.
Now, get out there and give bad news! When we improve our delivery, not only do we feel better, so do our customers!
How does he do it? You know, that friend that won’t stop playing until he’s beaten you handily? Doesn’t he realize it’s just ping pong? Damn! His serve is so fast, one miss and that little ball is blistering your cheek!
Don’t we all know someone like this? What seems like a birth defect, ie. Mr. Win-At-ALL-Costs tossing bean bags, oblivious to his kid’s birthday party, can come off as genetic superiority at work. After all, don’t many of our leaders profess to have or freely flaunt an ultra-competitive attitude?
Why can’t we all be more like that?
In reality, we can, and that’s what’s scary. Think about what it really means to be that competitive. Is it realistic? Is it productive? Here are four reasons why competitiveness, left unchecked, can be a losing strategy:
I’m sure you’ve won something before. Felt good, didn’t it? Scoreboards and sales reports are nice ways to tell everyone (including yourself) how great you are. From that point onward, did you always win? Probably not.
Unfortunately, winning can feel so good we don’t want to wake up from it. However, the moment you become the best kid in the neighborhood, there’s someone from the other side of town who’s willing to test you. When I was a kid I thought the phrase, “Pride cometh before the fall.”, had something to do with the seasons of the year. Get this, it means that someone will always be better than you.
Therefore, needing to be the “best” is largely a waste of time.
No one is more deceiving than pro athletes and musicians. That three pointer that Lebron easily makes while jumping backwards is anything but easy. Heck, try picking up a guitar and doing that finger-tapping-on-the-strings thing like Eddie Van Halen. I did, and it sounded like a bag of staplers. Virtuosos make the impossible look easy.
Little do we realize, the part of the job we see only makes up a small percentage of the actual work these entertainers do. Hours of meticulous practice, travel, and promotion build the backbone of their stardom.
Hero worship aside, few of us envy the countless setbacks and hours of practice that come with such a high level of success. THAT, my friend is the real work, and if you love it as much as the applause, you’ll go far. If a career was a meal, our wins would be only the dessert or the wine.
You will miss out on relationships, both professional and personal.
Many of us make this mistake, especially in competitive environments like sales. Do you really want to see you coworker trip as she steps up to the stage for her award? If you knew how much the two of you have in common, you might actually be happy for her.
Yeah, I know. Many of us get compared and ranked against each other at work. Rarely, however, do the perks of competitiveness outweigh the benefits of sharing. Most co-workers face similar day-to-day challenges. Your willingness to lose to a rival may just get you the vital information you need to be more marketable, within your company and beyond.
If we share our struggles at work, we can form strong bonds, even friendships. And, in case you needed a reminder, friends help us with all aspects of life, not just with things like how to update our laptop OS. Even the best, most successful work teams split up. Good friendships can continue on.
At its best, our competitiveness helps us focus. Never will you run faster (or have a higher tolerance for sweaty, stinky people) than at a 5k. Of course, the same performance benefit is true in other pursuits. The drive to compete is how humans and other animals survive, or so we think.
We sometimes picture natural selection as animals fighting for the same piece of meat. Only the strongest survive! Meanwhile, reality was a war of attrition. The weakest animals didn’t lose some Lion Kingesque battle to the death; they simply failed to pass on their genes. The lesson? If we spend too much time fighting each other we ignore the real enemy: our own weaknesses. And winning only fools us into thinking we don’t have any.
So, do you lack competitiveness? Do you lose more than you win? I’d wager these “faults” have made you more realistic, more likely to improve, and a lot easier to be around than any self-proclaimed winners. And, isn’t that something to be thankful for?
What is the perfect team? Is there such a thing? At an instant, most of us can offer a championship sports team as an example. We can easily point out how each teammate played their role to perfection and sacrificed self-interest for the greater good.
Still, can it be that simple? In real life, don’t we have to look out for number one? Every company is looking to form a group of players who have complimentary skills. What about complimentary relationships? When examining successful teams, we need to look past results and resumes and consider social bonds.
Interestingly, for as often as we portray them as exemplary, one would expect championship sports teams to stay together. Instead, the players are usually off to bigger and better contracts within a year or two. While sports analogies have their value, they don’t go far enough to explain how we can build and keep strong teams in our lives.
To enhance the quality of teams in everyday life, consider the following factors:
In sales, people both work on teams and are compared individually. These rankings dictate not only income but long term employability. In the face of this tension, are the members of your team able to give each other credit for good results in person and in meetings? A strong teammate will congratulate another on an accomplishment, not stew in silent jealousy.
In addition, when it comes to receiving accolades, how willing are your team members to credit others and acknowledge luck? Rarely do good ideas surface in a vacuum. We’re often inspired by the words of others, sometimes without realizing it. And, like it or not, we know luck, bad and good, is inseparable from sales. Therefore, we’d always do well to acknowledge it, so our teammates can see we’re human and derive inspiration (not shame) from our success.
It’s a misconception to think the best teams, being so engaged, only talk about work. It’s simply not true. The best teams I’ve been on have real conversations about a variety of topics. Our relationships became friendships, and bonds of trust were formed. This enabled us to have more productive and powerful conversations.
Better communication empowers people to come up with better ideas. Conversely, energy spent on guarding ones own interests comes at the expense of problem solving. Stress and fear inhibit the creative process. We can’t solve problems when we’re afraid of saying the wrong thing at all times.
When teams are humble and closely connected, they become more able to handle serious change. When people can express honest opinions within a team about a change, they can safely “bounce” thoughts off each other. Therefore, each member gets to both share their own feelings and hear a non-judgemental outsider’s opinion. Crucially, this allows the team members to change their own beliefs without the burden of pride holding them back.
Through exposure to differing perspectives, members of strong teams are more confident to take action. After all, what do they have to lose? They know their teammates are there to support them. On weaker teams, denial of a change can fester and block progress. Consequently, once again, self-preservation can siphon away the energy needed for success.
Admittedly, it’s hard to argue with success – unless one counters with sustained success. We all can be lucky once, just not repeatedly. Therefore, we’d all do well to recognize and appreciate the humility and personal connection of strong teams when we find them. Otherwise, we risk seeing last year’s world champs crumble at the slightest obstacle.
There I sat in my used 2015 Volkswagen Passat at a traffic light. It was a nice car, black and shiny in the Summer sun despite it’s 120,000 miles. Waiting for the signal, I did one of the most unavoidable things a driver can do, and glanced over at the car next to me. There sat a blue-eyed boy, about eleven or twelve years old maybe, with a summer buzz cut. Our eyes would’ve met sooner if he wasn’t staring down at my car.
Within a second he glanced up at me with a look of approval. It seemed he was just impressed enough to show it on his face. Not to oversell it, this was more of a “nice house” than a “huge chocolate bar” look. Then the light turned green, and we both pulled away.
Something vs. Nothing
That boy’s expression, however, stayed with me. It was as if he saw a car like mine for the first time and had no frame of reference. While you and I know there are much nicer cars, to him it could have been the prototypical vehicle, a one of kind. For all I know, he might have spent his life in the country where pick-ups are much more common than sedans.
To someone who doesn’t drive, a car must be a thing of wonder and mystery. I imagine power in both the machine itself and the freedom it promises must be quite impressive to someone who’s spent his entire life strapped in and restrained.
The gift of first sight
This scenario, in my opinion, exemplifies an ability children have and most adults have lost. They can see things for the first time. As a result, their perception of many things is a comparison, not to anything before, but to nothing. First, there was an empty lane. Then, bam, there was a shiny black car.
Like the characters in The Polar Express, who as they grew older, lost the ability to hear Santa’s bell, we adults lose the opportunity to experience new things. We instead relate everything to something existing in our memory banks. Even mankind’s most recent space explorations get compared to Sci-Fi movies. And, naturally, we compare everything new to everything old.
What if adults could somehow again experience newness? Not only do I think it’s possible, all it takes is a conscious comparison of everything to nothing. For example, that miserably slow computer on your desk, how could your perform what it does without it? And that tired old car? Surely it beats the heck out of walking twenty miles to work. The comparisons remind us what it might’ve been like before we had something.
Of course, novelty isn’t limited to physical possessions. Last night’s poor dining experience could have been spent eating crackers on the couch. Think about your shitty jobs of the past. What if, in place of your struggle, you were unemployed the entire time? We’re much less likely to resent past tribulations after we’ve overcome them.
More importantly, what if we extend this type of comparison to people? Our family, friends, colleagues, what if we didn’t have them? I don’t suggest thinking about death, but something almost as sad. What if you never knew them at all? Think of each individual person and imagine if they had never been in your life. What an empty world!
Gratitude, the ideal treatment
Admittedly, it’s a hard perspective to take. Our minds are conditioned to compare everything to the past. Perhaps we’ve evolved to be that way. All I know is that I’ve heard from many authors the same message: gratitude is so powerful, it literally crowds out negative emotions. In fact, we physically cannot experience both gratefulness and depression at the same time.
Yes, being told to have gratitude can be annoying. It’s also useless. We need to seek gratitude on our own. No one can force it upon us. All I know is that whenever I’ve taken a moment to be grateful to have more than nothing, I’ve always felt better. Why not give it a try?
Plans are essential, are they not? Without a plan, your weekend jaunt to the Carribean can, thanks to a tropical storm, turn into a hotel room Netflix marathon. Without a budget, you may unknowingly forego your next home repair for an extra round of drinks. In short, if you had clean underwear and gas in your tank this morning, you have planning to thank.
Without a doubt, we need to have plans and not just for practical reasons like the ones discussed. Thinking ahead makes us FEEL better too. Theoretically, without the worries of tomorrow we are free to enjoy today. Not only that, a solid plan can make us feel just a little superior to others, like those poor souls who didn’t use call ahead seating at the restaurant.
It makes no sense to fight city hall (or the Future).
Despite their enumerable benefits, our best laid plans inevitably come under scrutiny. If you’ve ever done a major addition to your house, you’ve probably had to submit building plans for approval from a Zoning Board or Commissioner before beginning construction. In response to your submission, you typically get one of three responses: an approval, a denial, or an approval contingent on changes. In short, the process is not as simple as picking up a hammer and swinging.
Unfortunately, even outside of the construction world, life’s response to our planning efforts can be similarly uncontrollable. It’s as if a Future Commissioner hands down judgements of our plans. However, unlike the Zoning Commissioner, the Future Commissioner requires us to enact our plan before she decrees one of the same three answers, a denial, an approval, or a conditional approval.
Can you imagine cooking multiple meals for guests and allowing them to sample and pick their desired main course? In essence, we never truly know the right course of action in any given situation until we take action. And, however well-researched or thought-out, our plans can still be toppled as easily as a child’s tower of blocks. To acknowledge this fact we must be humble.
What if we somehow could see the future? No, I don’t mean in a prophetic way like a character in The Matrix. Instead, we can use an ability we’ve had since childhood – our imagination. Most conventional planning wisdom regards failure as something to be planned against, not accepted. What if, instead of fearing the worst we made peace with it? Wouldn’t we then be more capable to respond when things go bad?
It’s one of the most commonly misunderstood facts about planning. Failure is not an option, it’s an outcome. Success is also an outcome. Neither is a choice. If a Boeing MAX 8 lands on your car during your commute, anything else you planned to do that day will technically be a failure. True humility involves a surrender to fate.
Even if failure is not an option, it’s still a possibility.
At this point, you might claim your secret to success is denying the possibility of failure. In essence, you use pressure to motivate yourself. While stress has been shown to produce a short term boost in productivity, it’s also been proven to reduce creativity and drain our energy. Doesn’t this seem like a steep price to pay for the luxury of temporarily fooling oneself
Humility – the best insurance policy.
When it’s time to face the truth, humility can free us from the feeling of loss. The humble person knows they were never entitled to a good outcome in the first place. Our hard work was a prerequisite not a guarantee. The good news? It’s impossible to lose something we never had in the first place. We didn’t lose anything and, instead may have gained valuable experience.
I propose the key to better planning is a better perspective on planning. It’s a valuable tool to move us toward better outcomes – no more, no less. It’s time to acknowledge that we can never fully control what happens as a result of our efforts. Just as we have plans for the future, the future will inevitably have it’s own plans for us. We can only learn, adapt, and respond.
Aside from Electricity, bifocals, the pros and cons list, and numerous other discoveries, there’s one idea Benjamin Franklin is credited for which you may not be aware. It affects you on a daily basis and has to do with your pride. Consider the following story.
According to his autobiograhpy, Ben Franklin once deliberately asked to borrow a valuable book from one of his political opponents. The rival obliged and, thereafter, treated Ben with a greater level of generosity and respect. In fact, they later became friends. This human desire for consistency was later labeled the “Ben Franklin Effect” and, most recently, was classified by psychologists as Cognitive Dissonance.
I’m the type of person who would…
Cognitive Dissonance is the tension we feel when we act in a way contrary to our past. Ben knew if he could get his opponent to do him one favor, he’d be more likely to continue doing them. For example, the moment you order steak at the seafood restaurant, you’ve just increased the liklihood you do the same on you next visit.
Ironically, Ben used Cognitive Dissonance to change someone’s behavior when, by definition, it’s more often used as a reason NOT to change. In my sales career, resisting change has been mostly detrimental. Early on, I was the type of guy not to ask for the sale. Therefore, I lost business. Later, I was the type of guy not to speak up at a meeting. Therefore, I remained unhappy and disengaged with my job for long periods of time. Whoever we are, we usually want to stay that way.
The Ben Franklin Effect = Cognitive Dissonance = Pride
I believe the issue truly at hand is pride and what puzzles me is the following paradox: pride in a possession entails care and periodic improvement. When we take pride in our house we tend to the lawn and replace things like shingles and gutters. Pride in ourselves, however, largely means being unwavering and resistant to change. A proud person holds fast to core beliefs knowing themselves and the truth.
Why the dichotomy in our definitions of pride? I attribute it to fear of being alone. In a literal sense, anyone who doesn’t know themself is forced to uncomfortably spend their every waking minute with a stranger. Therefore, we feel we must act in ways WE can predict. Besides, the alternative is a very traumatizing condition known as Amnesia. In comparison, we can easily see in our possessions (and our relatives and friends) the constant need for improvement.
Still, can’t we pride ourselves, not by the past, but by what we want to be in the future? Perhaps, like the car enthusiast toiling for hours on a heap of metal, envision what we plan to be and take pride in that.
Our biggest obstacle is how we understand and use power. A landscaper has the ability to dig, trim, and plant with their own hands. She can therefore make what she envisions come into reality. Many of our dreams involve money or accolades coming from others. And, try as we may, we don’t control others, we can only influence and observe. As we wait for the compliments, Facebook likes, and glowing performance reports to come in, we relinquish the power to cultivate and shape ourselves.
Is change mandatory?
Yes (gasp), at least in a scientific sense. Our bodies replace most of their cells over a period of seven years. Therefore, it would be impossible for us to physically stay the same, even if we wanted to!
One could argue that, in a mental sense, change is mandatory as well. After all, the people and situations around us are in constant flux. Some degree of change is mandatory just to adjust. That said, the way we change needn’t be dictated by someone else. We can certainly act as our own catlyst.
Again, that darn pride issue pops up! We look down on people who change to please others and, at the same time, yearn for people to like us for who we are! Pride without the willingness to change is essentially a lie. It’s like someone proudly showing you their rusting car, citing how sexy it was when they drove it off the lot. Who we are is fluid. We don’t have to live in the past.
Who’s in charge here?
To those of us, myself included, who desire too much to be perfect, the very suggestion of change can be an insult. Who are they to tell us how to change? You know you’re defensive when you can’t even question yourself! This is when we have to give up and resolve to no longer defend who we were in the past and instead plan what actions we can take in the future.
Of course, not all advice is good and much of it, however well-intentioned, should NOT be followed. Still, we shouldn’t dismiss criticism based solely on the source. That would again give up our own power to choose. Rest assured, when we think for ourselves, the choice to take advice is never weak. It’s probably the only way we can excercise true pride – the kind that improves who we are and doesn’t cling to the past.
